Tips For Counselling

Here's a practical post for people who are involved in counselling and ministering to people. Its contributed by a psychologist friend of mine by the name Vini Lillian from Hyderabad. I pray that the Holy Spirit who is the best counselor ever will impart into us his quality of being sensitive to people and their needs. Please feel free to leave comments and opinions.

A wholesome view of reaching out.

• Introduction -

Here are a few things that I have heard around the corner.

• Why is he making a big deal out of that? It is only a small issue.
• He smokes and drinks. He must be a bad person
• Counselors are for those people who do not know Christ.
• Christians do not need a counselor.
• I have counseled him. I told him never to do that. But he still does not listen.

May be its time we widen our horizons. Everyone goes through problems big or small. But sometimes they might need help from outside to deal with them. Let us have a look at what counseling is all about.

• What is counseling?

Let us have a quick peek into counseling. It definitely is NOT GIVING ADVICE. It is being able to listen, understand and help an individual to resolve his/her issues.
There are three levels of looking at some one's problems.

• Pity - Feeling sorry for some one
• Sympathy - Feeling sad for some one
• Empathy - Feeling what the other person feels

People expect the the third level. Placing yourself in their shoes and seeing their perspective. It is not easy. It comes with a lot of practice.

Counseling Principles : - Some of the basic principles of counseling are

• • Mutual Respect - The person who comes to you to share his/her problems is most likely to feel apprehensive. Any sign of disrespect will be picked up by them immediately and everything you try doing for them will backfire.
  • Confidentiality and Trust - Most times people share intimate detail. We lose their trust in us when we share it with others without their consent.
  • Empathy - To be able to understand what emotions the other person is going through is empathy. An example from the Bible is in Job 2:12 - 13. When Job’s friends saw him they did not just sympathize but were part of his suffering.
  • Acceptance - To be able to accept the person irrespective their backgrounds, their behavior or their habits.

• Counseling in Ministry - It’s Importance

As Christian leaders we not only need to understand the spiritual aspect of people but also their psychological issues.

Each person’s issue is HUGE for himself. What may seem like a molehill to us can be a mountain for the person going through a crisis. As Christian leaders we are to show compassion which helps us reach out. It is human nature to get judgemental about people but as Christ could accept even a prostitute we are also expected to accept each and everyone as they are.

To reach out at the spiritual level in a person you need to pass through the emotional realm. We can make a start by applying these basic principles of Counseling.

• Personal issues

Just because we have accepted Christ does not mean that we wont have issues to deal with. Everyday is a battle in itself. There are times when we get bogged down with problems. There are times we need to share it to someone. There are times we breakdown. That is why the Bible says in Galatians 6:2 “Carry each other’s burdens...” As leaders I feel we must make it a point to spend time sharing our burdens; not just spiritual one’s but also emotional issues that we struggle with day-to-day. It would help if we form small groups and spend time sharing about each other’s issues and help each other grow.

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Created Worshipers!

Religion and Worship has been one of the most used and misused terms in the world today.  The reason it is so important for everyone to have a mature perspective about worship is because we were created for worship! Let me quote here the experience of a lead song writer and singer."Leading worship tonight was so very humbling.. The fullness of joy found in His Presence is overwhelming my soul" - Darlene Zschech What is so precious about worship that everybody has a very unique experience of their own when they encounter the true and living God in worship?




Created to Worship
We were not created to be worshiped but to worship. Unfortunately, today the state of almost everybody in the world (including the religious folks who claim to worship a deity) is opposite! They want people or their religious institutions or God to worship them by getting their needs fulfilled or give them much attention and priority in their own lives. However such kind of worship from people to you only leads you to greed for more of it! it never brings you to a place ofsatisfaction or contentment, because that is not what you were made for! You work best and will enjoy your life only when you fulfill the purpose for which you were made!


Consistent Fellowship
Worship is less about singing songs or chatting mantras in a sacred place and more about being in continuous fellowship with the God who created you. When God created Man and Woman and placed them in the garden of Eden, they enjoyed a relationship like a parent with a child or a husband with a wife. The bible says God came down into the garden of eden every evening and they conversed to the fill of their hearts. The day man sinned, he did not have the guts to face God that evening! Ever since, this sinning mankind has been running away from their creator God! You might be going to church and attending all the praise and worship sessions there! But that's not how worship existed in the garden of Eden. Worship existed in regular fellowship. That brought joy to the heart of man and a sense of fulfillment to his soul.


Worship Restored
The day man and woman sinned and were removed out of the garden of Eden, God put an angel with a sword outside the garden to stop anyone from entering the garden again. Anybody who tries to enter into that garden will run himself up against the sword held high by that angel. God was driving a clear cut message to humanity. "The wages of sin is death" You rebel against God, you will die, you rebel against the author of life, you will not enjoy your life anymore. Friends, the good news that I want to announce today is that, someone went through that gate of death for you and me. That's none but Jesus, the only begotten son of God. True worship and consistent fellowship with God was restored on the day that Jesus died on the cross. He rose again from the dead to show us the way back into the garden, into consistent fellowship with God, into true worship.


U Need Jesus!
If you are reading this post, and haven't yet experienced this fulfillment, contentment, and enjoyment that I am talking about, may I request you to welcome Jesus into your life, he will change your complete perspective on life. He will change your whole world! Please write me a mail or call/text on +919620208227 to know more on how to let worshiping God and walking with Jesus could change your life.


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"PRAYing" Harvesters

Any christian leader or minister will agree with me that prayer is of course the driving force behind an individual or a church that is alive and vibrant in ministry. However we will run into trouble the moment we discuss how much time, money and effort we are investing into prayer! Making statements that our actions and lifestyle doesn't support is hypocrisy! Let's admit it, we have lost the focus when it comes to the area of prayer.



Just want to bring to your attention that we have more worship concerts, evangelistic ventures and conferences than we have prayer meetings. That was not the case of the first century church. For them, prayer was an integral part of their everyday agenda. (Acts 2:42) If only we will come down to living and practicing everything that the first century church did, we would be shaking nations and turning cities upside down like they did!

Prayer and Prophecy
Do you remember how Daniel prayed? When he was going through the prophecies of Jeremiah, he understood that they would be released from the captivity at the end of the 70 years. It says, he fasted and prayed till he received a word from God! How would we respond if we were in a similar situation? Please remember that, Daniel was in a very high and comfortable position in Babylon. He was honored by almost every king and his kingdom. But Daniel's heart was set wholly on Jerusalem. How often, we get super comfortable with the positions and titles the world gives us and forget the true purpose for which we have been called? Since Daniel was in such a high position in the kingdom, he could have appealed to the king for the release of the Jews! He could have entered into the politics behind making things happen, Instead he chose to pray! The scripture is filled with examples of people who chose to pray over unfulfilled prophecies! The praying Nehemiah, The Prophetess Anna, The Apostles and the first century church! How often we miss out on the fulfillment of prophetic utterances because we decided to act upon it rather than to pray over it!!

Need Prayer Warriors
We have many people today who prophecy revival over our nation! The need of the hour is people who will claim this prophetic words and seek God till all heaven shows up! We are so often caught up with sending out missionaries and mission funds! Well, it is not wrong to do that! However, more important is that we will pray to the Lord of harvest to send forth laborers. Gone are the days when we used to think praying for souls is the duty of the pastors and the evangelists. It is the responsibility of every born again Christian who is in the spiritual battlefield to seek God for a revival fire over our lost world. Prayer is like the oil that keeps the lamp burning! Remember the story of the Ten Virgins? We can either be lazy and foolish, saying we have a prayer team in the church who are doing the job or we could be wise and prayerful and take upon ourselves the job of standing in the gap.

Authoritative Prayer
God expects us to pray with authority. When we pray, we not only move the hand of God, but also tear down the powers of the darkness. Remember that one of the element in Lord's prayer is the phrase "Deliver us from the evil one" (Matthew 6:13) In prayer we have the authority to bind and loose things in the heavenlies. (Matthew 16:19) How often people continue to live in depression, oppression and bondage of the enemy because there was lack of Authoritative Christian Prayers! If you are really interested in the area of spiritual warfare I would like to recommend to you a book Possessing the Gates of the Enemy by Cindy Jacobs.

The voice of God resounds through the ages "if MY people who are called by MY name humble themselves, and pray and seek MY face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land" 2 Chronicles 7:14 I pray that we wil be the generation that will positively respond and take up the challenge to bring to fulfillment the promise in that verse. Click here to watch a video of a prayer movement in Africa. Let us do so and more, let us meet up for prayer in small groups, as churches, as cities and as nations to intercede and to exercise our authority!!

Chained Hearts

Have you ever been in a place where you did not want to do something, but end up doing the exact thing that you were running away from? Doesn't it feel like your hands, feet, eyes or tongue are completely bound to do that particular thing? Apostle Paul expressed his frustration in these words, "I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. I have the desire to do what is right, but end up doing the opposite, I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing" (Romans 7:15-19)




Is it possible for us to break free of such a bondage? Is it possible to exercise the kind of self control that Jesus himself exercised when he was on this earth? We can debate for hours as to if the answer is yes or no! However let me give you an example. If somebody jumps high into the air, is it possible that he will not land back to the ground? Well, we may say no! Ask the same question to an astronaut who has been into the space and he will tell you that it is possible!



Walk by the Spirit
The bible says in Galatians 5:16 Walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. I can talk about the 10 easy ways to get rid of an addiction or the best books you could read or the preachers that you need to listen to, however none of it will make any sense to you untill you reach the place of walking by the Spirit. Where every step of yours is led by the Spirit of God. You can spend all your time, your efforts, your blood and your oxygen in removing the dark areas of your life and in turn end up in self pity, Instead soak yourself in God, in His word, in prayer, in allowing Him to talk to you, in letting His glorious light shine over the dark areas of your life, and see how you don't even remember the day or the date when you actually broke free off of your addictions.


Know the Truth
Jesus said "you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:32 ESV) As much as a person needs a release in the spirit, so much so does he need to have renewal in his mind! And that comes only by knowing the truth. At times the devil tries to deceive you by getting you to believe all the lies about yourself and your habits. Truth is at times painful, however a lotliberating. I remember the days I was hooked to masturbation, when the devil used to convince me with the teenage saying "it's ok", and that "I can never get rid of it". But the truth is that sin will have no dominion over me, since I am not under law but under grace. (Romans 6:14 ESV) When this truth about the matter invaded my mind, exposing every deceiving lies of the devil, I knew I had won the battlefield of my mind!


Slaves of Righteousness

Heed to this firm commandment in the word of God, Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. (Romans 6:13) Though the battle begins in the spirit and is fought in the mind, it is finally triumphed upon in the body! If your actions don't support what you have been experiencing in your spirit and soul, then all your experiences are worth nothing, but a fancy waste of time. You have to let the victory you have experienced in your spirit and in your mind to sink into your body, to the extent that even your flesh craves for nothing but God, to the extent that every part of your body becomes slaves to righteousness.

Walk by the Spirit, allign your spirit completely to the Spirit of God even as you commune with him, allow the revelations He gives you to flood your mind and free you from the devil's lies and allow your body to be chained by righteousness, where you do nothing but that which glorifies God and exhibits His righteousness, and that's what it takes to exhibit Self-Control. Galatians 5:22,23; The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, SELF-CONTROL; against such things there is no law.